you guys were way drunker than both of me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
