Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize