Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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