Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
