ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize