sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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