those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
