SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
