I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
