True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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