i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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