Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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