i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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