The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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