Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
