Your tits are I can't wait for
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
