All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize