is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
