Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
