Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
