I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize