All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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