good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
