We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
