Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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