I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
