so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
