Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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