i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
