did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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