You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
