What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
