you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
