well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
