I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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