If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize