I seem to have left my pride at pride
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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