im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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