How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
