He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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