Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
