I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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