I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
