i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
