Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need help removing her.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Randomize