Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
