The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
