I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
