Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
