I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
