I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
