what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
