Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
