toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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