Non-Jews are for practice
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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