If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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