; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
