it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
