i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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