his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
