my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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