Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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