I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
