You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
