We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
bring money and cleavage
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
