Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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