I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
