my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
