Jerry, you need to find god
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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