I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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