We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
