Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
