I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
don't judge my taste in strippers
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
