I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was confusing and full of hummus
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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