why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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