i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
