her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
