I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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