i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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